couple pieces upload

in this here simplistic form i would like to present you with.. my first foray into the bandcamp world, or, rather, that bandcamp distribution system. i don't clearly see how its policy of encouraging the actual buying helps anyone but itself - but i guess i understand that it has to be sustainable as a company and as a hosting service for audio files. in practical terms, i know that it all boils down to the fact that it's a win-win situation, when somebody buys your stuff through bandcamp. everybody gains. while when it's a free download, the bandcamp clearly loses. there have to be things that the artist loses too this way - otherwise everything would be free. and we don't want this, do we? in the state we're in.

so i've been thinking - with the way soundcloud goes, (and i got rather bored of it anyway - maybe, in a way, i participated in its decline, because during the last years, i have been just uploading, without listening to the tracks of others that i followed - did i become more self-absorbed and ego-centric?) - let's try this new bright thing. the truth is that i've been a bandcamp user for a couple of years, and i have never bought anything digital-musical apart from there. it's a nice way of getting what you want - in some cases i even was kind of disappointed that some albums i sought for were not on bandcamp.

so i took my two most recent tracks i had uploaded on soundcloud, reworked the main vocal track to my.. ahem.. better satisfaction, and uploaded them to bandcamp as a kind of a single (this side, flip side). i even made a front cover of sorts. but then, after the front cover reminded me of something else, and after i discovered that i did harbour certain feelings of possible success, while listening and relistening the tracks again and again and discovering that they were awfully sub-par.

i decided to... state that the only way i would be able to forgive myself for publishing those tracks, and showing to the world that I made them, would be to explain the following little bit. i make those tracks not to entertain. i am not an entertainer, not a trend-setter, neither a dissipator of ideas. this is not my profession and will never be. (never say never, who did say that? oh, was it romeo void?) they are a kind of run of the mill bedroom music lots of people do in their bedrooms to express themselves. yes, i do this just to express myself. to express, - meaning - to communicate my feelings, in variously apparent or non-apparent ways. my publishing these tracks is almost like showing you a photograph of me - giving you my family album, and watching your reactions. it's a strange need to give a part of myself to somebody.

now, that doesn't mean that my belief is this is what art is, and that i shouldn't have worked more on these musical ideas. it is just i never felt confident enough to ask somebody to participate and give any number of opinions. i am kind of embarassed to do this in the first place, fearing a negative reaction, or an awkward silence.

it is just that i feel that sometimes it does me good, to do various stuff with music. i have always done it just because. just because i felt like it. no matter how bad it might have sounded. this is my apology. well - and that's that.