biding my time

somewhere between wakefulness and sleepfulness came this moment
when I decided to write something here in english
to have some fun with my brainwaves
and kill the time away.. creatively



mourning the hours that pass :)
in these morning hours of day
i'm laughing out loud ridiculing myself


all began since day one
when i took that ship that carried me away
as it always happens with the particular Shshship
i only had a shshsheep's sleep
or a hare's sleep, for that matter,
as they say here in the Outlands
(not always punctual with those punctuation marks)


so i haven't slept much, hence i'm writing in riddles
and being weird, while time passes
and i'm supposed to get into that camp of mine
before tomorrow morning
and i've made my mind about getting there on foot
before the darkness falls


...like a child...
who wishes.. and cries..
and maybe screams because he whines.


and here what i wanted to write about
it has been 20 days since i've been here last
and i have forgotten where or who i was
or wasn't?

and some things changed
and some things remained the same
but are now different
somehow

and each time i return here
it's like dreaming that unpleasant dream again
with clenched teeth
and politeness

it's like living in unreality
each time i return here
but now it's supposed to happen
for the last time

and the unreality is intensified by my sense of sleepiness
and my wish i can't relate
and that Philip K. Dick novel I am reading again
and rereading again

sentence after sentence, because i find out each time
that i slipped into sleep
and that the previous sentence i read
is nowhere in my mind now

but at least i get the general idea
the gist of things
and that's good..

and the novel is about people who live in unreality
or in a dream
and it's like that in many of his novels
it's this, and their sometimes weirdness, and sometimes vividness,
that I like

which reminds me of a band called KorovaKill (once just Korova),
and their song "Our reality dissolves" in particular
which is weird too, but in a slightly different sense
(Dick is sensibly weird, or at least in the way he writes
you can trace the roots and the reasons of his weirdness)

(and there are others (more recent) who are also called Korova, and i happen to like their songs too, maybe because they are also weird - Adam's disease & All the lights)
...

And I so don't want to leave here
The world of mine
For the world of theirs
That I look at through my particular eyes
In my own way
The world of cigarettes that I think that i'll smoke
Biding my time...
(without you by my side)
(and who are you, anyway?)
(with you.. without you.. with or without you..)

I know what you might say.
It won't be long, I know.
It's ok :)

τουλάχιστον ορθογραφικά νομίζω πως τα πάω λίγο καλύτερα, όταν γράφω στα εγγλέζικα..
ta ksanamataleme.