am i neville?

jumble of noises in my heart
staring and barking at me
and dogs too
is it because of disbelief,
hostility, my evilness
or my illness?
(i even asked the modern oracle
"google" this simple question
- am i evil? - and it replied
me with Diamond Head's song of
the same name)
i can't make any good sense of it
or bad
mostly bad and worrysome
then i shut myself up
and try to not think about it
but don't think i can stop
then i get down
and don't want to do anything
but sit and stare back
at them
what should i do with this
beating heart?
you are not living,
you are just killing time
this many singers
sing it in this many songs
like thom yorke did
in his one
pretty gone
as this stream of (un)consciousness
slips away
and i can't think of something
in particular
and everything is fuzzy
and without meaning
to be grabbed out with tongs
oh i am not easy
if only i were
if we all were
my reply to imaginary accusations
i am posing against myself
post-it papers
on the door of my mixed-up mind
and i feel uneasy anyway
but i DON't want to be left alone
i want to be here
i want to watch
i want to talk
i want to be present
and play a part
and be needed
but this seems to happen easily
only by itself, in silence
and there's nothing to be done
if it doesn't
the fatality of pushing
too far, falling a steep slope
jump up and down
with the stones
sometimes (all) this seems unbearable

"...Η ανέρευση των επιθετικών εκείνων Ζάχων που θα εξασφαλίσουν την ερωτικά επιθυμητή μετακόμισή σε οκτώ από τις Ν Φρουτοφέρειες της Μίλαν, τις οποίες δημιουργεί η Μπαρτσελόνα, σουρταφέρτα, είναι ο πρωταρχικός στόχος «από πλευράς ιστορίας και παράδοσης» της Φιρτοπράτους, όπως ομιλιτικά διευκρίνισε ο «ροσονέρι» στην ΜΕΒΓΑΛ όπου το μεσημέρι της Πέμπτης συνεδρίασε το Μολιτικό Μαμούλιο, υπό τον Καραϊσκάκη..."

απο την εφημερίδα "Τα Κλέα", 02/09/2010